Oliver’s First Month

I can’t believe my sweet baby boy is a month old today. This has been the best month of my life. It scares me how fast it is going by.

A lot has happened in a month: c-section recovery, Oliver’s weight gain problems and my transition into motherhood. Luckily, my husband was home with me for the first 4 weeks. I don’t think I could have done it without him.

Coming home from the hospital was amazing. After 6 nights I was ready! I was on such a high. The lack of sleep had not caught up to me yet. Everyone had told me how hard having a newborn was and the first couple weeks I didn’t understand. It was a piece of cake! I was on cloud nine with my perfect baby.

My high slowly wore off around week 2 and the reality sunk in. I was tired. I was still in a lot of pain from my c-section. And taking care of a newborn who is feeding every two hours on top of that pain wasn’t fun.

At Oliver’s two week doctors appointment he had still not reached his birth weight. He lost 10% in the hospital, I am assuming because he was a magnesium baby. This week we were at the doctors office every other day to make sure he was able to gain. I saw the lactation consultant again which was super helpful. I’ve been seeing her about once a week to keep up with his weight gain.

Finally at three weeks, he hit his birth weight and at four weeks he surpassed 8 pounds! It is a huge relief.

At four weeks Daddy went back to work and things got a lot harder. Having the baby by myself is hard and I am still getting use to it. I am trying to get into a routine. Oliver sleeps a lot less than he use to and cries when I put him down, so now doing just about anything is extremely hard. Most days I just let the house go and enjoy the cuddles.

Thinking about leaving him in a month terrifies me. I am trying to make the most of the time I have left on my maternity leave because no amount of time off would ever be near enough.

The nights are long, but the years are short.”

Things I’ve learned about Motherhood-

  1. Motherly instincts are real, listen to them!
  2. You don’t know how much you can love until you have a child
  3. Recovery takes WAY longer than I had expected. It has now been a month after my c-section and I am still in pain. C-Sections are major surgeries and it takes a long time to heal.
  4. Parenting isn’t 50/50 – no matter how hard you try, being the mom means you give more. You give more physically and mentally. We were made this way for a reason.
  5. Mom guilt is a thing
  6. You learn that the baby comes first- which means I’ve eaten a lot of cold meals and went a little too long without showering
  7. You will get frustrated. Take a couple minutes to let that shit go.
  8. Days go by way too fast. Enjoy every moment.
  9. Things don’t go as planned and simple things like going to the doctor take a lot more time now
  10. Learn to love your body. It may never go back to what it was, but it gave me the greatest blessing of my life- my son.
  11. There’s many things in my life that I am proud of, but nothing beats being a mom

*** Also, thank goodness for snapchat filters that hide the bags under my eyes

Life saving baby products-

  1. Baby Bouncer
  2. Baby Swing
  3. Boba Wrap
  4. Velcro Swaddles
  5. Wubbanub 
  6. Sound Machine
  7. Humidifier
  8. Nightlight
  9. Gripe Water

A few things that have also helped the past few weeks- 

Babywise- I wish I read this before Oliver’s arrival

Babes and Babies Podcast + Facebook page

The Wonder Weeks App

Oliver’s Birth Story

I was convinced that Oliver was going to be weeks late and I am actually pretty sure he would have been if my blood pressure cooperated.

I went in to my OB office for my 40 week appointment on January 24th. The doctor sent me upstairs due to my high blood pressure. This was my 3rd time going to L+D due to blood pressure issues so I didn’t think that anything would come out of it. They had just been lying me down and monitoring my blood pressure for a few hours and then sending me home.

But this time it was different. They were actually really concerned and insisted on inducing me.

They started the induction around 4pm. At this point I was barely dilated 1cm. They inserted Foley Bulbs on either side of my cervix to speed up the dilation. About 30 minutes after this I was in EXTREME pain. The pain was so bad and it continued into the night. At one point I remember telling Justin I didn’t think I could continue. I was terrified. I wasn’t even in active labor yet and was experiencing the worst pain I’ve ever felt.

I had fallen asleep and woke up with about 5-8 doctors and nurses surrounding my bed. The were hooking up all different kinds of medications to my IV and all looked extremely concerned. They told me my blood pressure had increased to 172/124 and I was at risk of stroke and seizure, so they put me on magnesium.

Never have I ever felt as horrible as the magnesium made me feel. I couldn’t move and slowly sunk into the bed. My husband was sleeping peacefully on the couch about three feet from my bed and I couldn’t even raise my voice loud enough to wake him up.

When he woke up in the morning to me being a vegetable in the bed, he became extremely concerned. All day Thursday I was bed ridden while they monitored me. They weren’t as concerned about my labor progression, but more concerned with stabilizing me and keeping my blood pressure down.

That evening once they felt it was safe and I was dilating, they started the Pitocin.  I was terrified to go into labor on the magnesium because I couldn’t open my eyes or move- how was I going to be able to push a human out?

After about 6 hours of Pitocin, my contractions were strengthening and my water broke around midnight. I was so excited because my body was finally doing what it was suppose to do. And while in active labor the pain was nothing like what I had felt with the foley bulbs. I could do this! It wasn’t so bad! I saw the finish line and I was so ready!

About an hour after my water broke I felt like it was time to get my epidural. I was scared. I am not a fan of needles and thinking about a huge one going into my spine was absolutely terrifying. The anesthesiologist took 6 TRIES TO GET THE EPIDURAL. SIX TRIES. Right before the final poke I told him if he couldn’t get it then he needed to find someone who could. It was too hard to continue getting poked through contractions. I couldn’t take it anymore. Luckily, he finally got it.

At this point they were increasing the Pitocin frequently, and then Oliver’s vitals started going down. They screwed an internal monitor into his head to be able to monitor him better. Every time the Pitocin went up, Oliver went down. This continued for a couple hours until it was clear that I would not be able to progress safely.

At 9:45AM they took me to the operating room for an emergency C- Section.

I felt so defeated. This was the last thing I wanted. But, it was what was best and honestly after almost 48 hours of labor I was done.

After the weirdest feeling I have ever felt during the c-section, Oliver came into the world at 10:19AM.. peeing. I’ll never forget Ed Sherans “Castle on the Hill” was playing. Hearing those first cries was the most relieving sound I’ve ever heard. I cried and cried and cried. It was all so surreal.

When Justin brought him over to me, I was still on magnesium, and I could barely see him since I still couldn’t really open my eyes. I think that was the hardest part of the whole experience, the magnesium.

I was on magnesium for 24 hours after Oliver was born and Justin had to do everything for Oliver. I was still bed ridden and so weak I couldn’t even brush my teeth. I felt completely helpless, which is something no new Mother wants to feel. I just wanted to hold my baby.

Saturday morning I came off the Mag and was moved to the Mother + Baby ward of the hospital where I had to stay for an additional 4 days while they continued to try to get my blood pressure under control.

We were in the hospital for 6 days total. My poor husband never left my side and was seriously a Godsend. He quickly became a swaddling, diaper changing, super Dad. Seeing him with our son, I fell more in love and I didn’t think that was possible.

I am forever grateful for the amazing doctors who took such good care of me and the nurses that were there for me during some of the lowest moments of my life. And for the lactation specialist who was so real and helpful.

& my Mom. I couldn’t have done it without her. She slept in the chair next to me until Oliver’s arrival. She was my advocate and had my back during all the scary medical decisions. She took care of our animals during our long hospital stay and she cleaned my entire house during our hospital stay. I am so blessed.

The week in the hospital was one of the hardest times of my life. I learned so much about myself and what it took to be a Mom.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”

I was brave because I knew I had to be for Oliver. I felt as though I transformed into a whole new person. And during that time I realized that this is what it is to be a mother. Putting your child 100% before yourself.

The hell I went through lead me to the greatest blessing in my life, my sweet baby boy.