It’s Sunday night and the Sunday night sadness has hit. How do weeks go by so slow, but weekends go by in a blink. This has always been a struggle for me, but even more so now that I am a mom. Sunday night means in about 12 hours I have to leave my little one at daycare for the next five days. And that means leaving a piece of my heart for 9 hours a day, while putting on a smile and pretending it doesn’t kill me.
No matter what path you choose after becoming a mom, there comes judgement. If you stay home you have little ambition, or your college degree went “to waste.” If you chose to continue in your career you don’t care about your kids, or are letting daycare raise them.
My blog is a judgement free zone.
Let’s be real with each other. It is all hard.
I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I never realized how exhausting it would be to be a working mom. Not only is it exhausting to work all day and come home to mom duty, but the mental and emotional strain.. it’s not easy. As a mom, there’s no time off. I am always on mom duty, and unlike my husband I can’t shut it off. I wake up at all hours of the night to check on him, I think about him all day when we are apart.
I thank God every day for my job and being able to provide for my family. And I enjoy my job, but I love my baby so much it hurts. Leaving him every day is extremely tough and even after four months it doesn’t get easier.
I just feel like I must be doing something wrong. This work / baby / life balance is killing me. Feeling the need to do it all and keep it all together, never getting a break. The days and routines blur together.
One thing it has taught me is to value the time I have with Oliver. It’s so bitter sweet watching him grow, but wishing he would stay my little baby forever. I don’t want to ever forget what this feels like. I truly cherish every moment we spend together, even if he’s throwing a fit.
I am a working mom so I can provide a beautiful childhood for my son. I am working so he grows up to see from both his mother and father the value of hard work. I am a working mom so my son sees women as equals.
So every Sunday night when the sadness sets in, I hold him a little longer.
The days are long, but the years are short. He won’t ever be as little as he was today.